I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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