You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
