she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
