$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
