the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
