just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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