They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
