Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
