just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
