it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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