does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
