i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
