Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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