i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
