I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
