it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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