In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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