Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
