dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
