So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Quick, to the slutcave!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
