Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
