Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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