Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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