I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
