Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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