i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
