he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
