I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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