My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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