Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Randomize
