If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
