I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just gargled with NyQuil
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
