At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
