life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
