he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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