I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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