I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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