we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
