my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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