Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
They have beer where we have blood.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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