Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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