I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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