I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
