i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
