wanna go halves on a baby?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
