What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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