i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i've created a new STD.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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