I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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