I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
