I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
