You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
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it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
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Also, beer. Big fan.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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