dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
