I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
