that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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