I want to stick my p in your. b.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
