remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
