So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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