you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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