im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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