My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
