I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
