I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
