In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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