At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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