I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's blow job season.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
