how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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