Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
