Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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