Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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