i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
