I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
