i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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