he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
