ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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