He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
