I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Umm I'm too high to move.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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