I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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